Bathroom Etiquette

That's right I said it... bathroom etiquette. What are the rules? When is it ok to say hi and when it is just plain awkward.

So I have been at my job for a little over five months and every time that I run into a co-worker in the bathroom I never really know how to react. For me going to the little girl's room has always been a private matter and I like my privacy. I don't want to be having a conversation with someone in the bathroom while I am relieving my self... it's just not cute. Now in bars and stuff it's different people are in and out as fast as they can so get back to the dance floor. However, at work it is different. People go into the bathroom and chat, or freshen up, and even poo. Now I know that it is a natural process and everyone does it, but girl do it at home. I do not ever do it in public I am just not that kind of girl. So when I walk into the bathroom and there is someone in the stall next to me whose shoe are obivous point away from the toilet you know they are taking a shit. Know I always try and either beat them out of the bathroom, or wait till they leave before exiting my stall. But sometimes it is just unavoidable. Like the other day I walk into my stall and there is someone next to me, so I try and hurry, but apparently so did he. We end up walking out at the same time and it's a co-work. "oh hi martin" he says very chipper and I'll I can think is you just took a huge shit... at work. Now I have only worked there for a small amount of time compared him and there was once that I could wait until I got home so I went to the next floor up and found out that there is a nice private single toilet bathroom to do your business. Is it just me or is this normal. Do most people not have a problem with pooing at work? Like just yesterday I was coming out of the bathroom and a co-worker was walking in with a NEWSPAPER! I mean really... you are going to be in there long enough to read the newspaper?!

I guess I was told once that its a great feeling to get paid to poo.

The Palmer Reader

So I feel inclined to share these random encounters that I have been having with Ms. Brothers. She is an older I want to say Armenian woman (very gypsy like which I think gives her more creditability) who does palm reading, tarot cards, psychic stuff. Her little shop happens to be right around the corner from my office building.

So the first time I came in contact with her was over a month ago when I was on my way to go get lunch. She was across the street sitting in a chair outside on the sidewalk. As I was walking I glance up and looked across the street. She had been looking at me because we made eye contact and she summonsed me over to her. I put my hand in the air gesturing that I was late getting somewhere then smile and went on my way.

The second time I crossed paths with her was the week of valentines before my trip to Santa Barbara. I was doing a bank run for the office and on my way back there she was sitting in her chair on the side walk again. This time I was on the same side of the sidewalk as she was. As I passed her (trying not to make eye contact) I couldn't help but look up and again made eye contact. She gestured toward me and said "come here, sit."
"I don't have any money, sorry. I left my wallet in the office." Which was true and so I tried to leave. Then she called to me, " that's ok... I feel something, sit."
So I do.

"I trust you. You bring it to me later. $5" (in her gypsy psychic voice).
This whole time I am thinking is she for real or is she just some old lady from like Brooklyn who when she I walk away really speaks with a New York accent. But I don't say anything and just nod.
"Let me see you palm." I give it to her.
"You want to know about your love life and your career" Right me and everyone else lady. Good job.
"You are done with all of these short relationships that don't last long, you want something more. You are ready for something real." uh..huh...
"You are interested in a woma... (before she even finishes the word woman she stops and corrects her self) a man." I am not giving you that one either because a one-eyed parrot could see my gay ass a mile away.
"Right" I say.
"I see two men. One is here and one is far away. Where is he?" I don't know you tell me isn't that your job. "Uhh..." I mutter.
"Where are you from?"
"California."
"Yes. That is it." Great I just gave her the answer.
"You will find the right one. He is coming. You will have a good valentines day. I will give you good luck for valentines day. Give me $100 and I will light you a candle for good luck this valentines day."
" Sorry lady, I do not have $100 to give you."
"Ok. How about $20" wow that dropped really quickly.
" I will see what I have in my wallet. Will you be here I have to go get it."
"Yes, yes. Come back here." So I leave.
I did end up returning to give her the money but she wasn't there anymore.
Anyways, I told myself that if anything did happen on Valentines day I would make sure to go back and pay her the $5. And to my surprise V-Day was not all that bad. It was actually quite enjoyable and there was a man or two in my life that night.

The third run in we had just happen earlier today as I was walking out of my office building on my way to the post office. I walked out the front doors and there she was passing by the front of my office. She made eye contact with me once again and smile. She waved me to her. "I know you. You were suppose to come back to me"
"I did," I explain, "but you were not there." So I took out my wallet and gave her the $5.
"Let me see you hand."
" I don't have anymore money."
"That's ok let me see it." I obeyed and took off my glove showing her my palm.
"You had a good valentines day didn't you?"
I smiled, "Yes."
"I told you. Where were you?"
"California."
"But you are still not with him, no?"
"Nope."
"I see a name. His name is Michael." She closed my hand and nodded her head and left.
Now what the hell am I suppose to do with that. His name is Michael. Great. Well where is he? When will I meet him?? IS HE CUTE?? come on!! Give me something?!?
Well I have a name. So if you know of any Michaels send them my way.

Till next time in the words of RuPaul "how you gonna love someone else until you learn to love yourself!" ... word.

Story Time...

I have plenty of great, really funny stories that from time to time I may be inclined to share with you.

Here is the first one (read it to the end because that's the good part)

I had randomly been picked up by this guy outside of a 24 hour burrito place after I had been out partying with my friend, Gloria, all night.
He was charming and kind of cute, older, big (like a football player), sexy... kinda. For the purpose of this story and anonymity sake we'll call him Mike.
Well, anyways, Gloria and I get convinced to go take our food to eat it back at his apartment, then I got charmed into staying the night. (I was young and naive).
Fast Forward about a month and a half or so
We had been hooking up on the regular, but after awhile I realized that he just wasn't for me. The poor guy, however, had taken a liking to me and wasn't so inclined on letting me go.

Enough with back ground info... here's the actual story

One day after he had been texting me all day asking me what I was going and that he want me to come over to hang out and we all know what that means in gay slang (now mind you I am a classy broad and don't just do that with anyone... hell who am I kidding). I finally agreed to go over for a little bit and making it explicitly clear that I was not going to sleep over. I text my roommate Jennie tell her I was going over to his place and would be home later.
I get to his place and we watch some tv, ate a pizza, chatted a little, the usual. I tried to get up and leave about five or six times and somehow he always had a reason for me to stay ... 5 minutes more... 10 minutes more... one more beer... the tv show is almost over... blah, blah, blah...
He kept dropping hints and making little comments indicating his desire for me to stay over. I say no every time he brings it up with every excuse I know.
"I have class in the morning"
"My place is closer to campus"
" I don't have any clothes here"
"I'll drive you to go get them"
"I to sleep in my bed"
"You know my bed is more comfortable"
... you get the idea

So finally after I am clean out of excuses. I cave. So I concocted an ultimatum. Knowing that he loves to sleep at his own place because he lives alone and has never stayed at my place (because I share a room with my roommate) I offered up a proposal.
"I am not gonna sleep here, but you can come over to my place if you want"
Thinking that I finally beat him at his own game he replies...
"Sure let me get my things" turns and goes to his room.
My jaw dropped. I was completely shocked. SHIT! what just happened?
I quickly reach for my phone to warn Jennie via text message.

Damn it Mike is coming over and I really don't want him to.
SEND

Now for the good part...

a rush of fear comes over my entire body. I whip out my phone again... TEXT MESSAGES (click) ... SENT MESSAGES (click).... last message SENT TO: MIKE

Oh Fuck!

I sent the message to him.

There I am sitting on his futon waiting for him to come out of his room with no escape route. I have really got myself into it this time. My mind is racing.
Can I just run? ... No
I'll erase the text message!.... he has his phone... shit
Can I lie? ... No

He walks into the living room
"Ready?"
My eyes zoned in on the phone in his hand
"Uh... yeah"
I get up quickly and head for the door still waiting for the phone to let out a little chirp to sound triggering my inevitable doom.
He reaches for the door and opens it.

Do i just run out now?
Before I can decide...

Chirp Chirp

Shit I am screwed

"Did you text me?"
"Uh..." Lie just Lie ... "No"

He reads it. Right in front of me. Seriously just run!!
The look on his face will be forever ingrained in my mind. It was so indescribable but you could only imagine.

"What is this shit?!"
Plan dumb "What?"
"Who were you texting"
"No one..."
"Well then what's this?"
"I don't know..."

RUN! JUST RUN!
I could get my feet to move... so I say

"Well it's late I have to get to bed. Are you gonna come?
Did I really just ask him to come over AGAIN?!! hahaha
"Well not if you don't want me to"
"Ok well then good night"

My feet became unglued and I made a run for it. Just like that.
What just happend? Don't laugh he can still heat you. quick call Jennie.

One of the most embarrassing moments EVER.

But get this. I was thinking well I will never talk to him again. But again to my surprise later that weekend I get a call.

Ring. Ring. MIKE

In the ten minute conversation we had I some how convinced him that the whole thing was his fault for making me feel uncomfortable and pressured to sleep with him. So he apologized to me!!

And that is when I came to the realization that I would be able make it in this crazy Topsy-turvy gay boy world.

Hope you had fun :)
Until next time...
ALWAYS BE YOU!!